High-Functioning Anxiety in Motherhood: When You Look “Fine” But Feel Exhausted Inside
Living With High-Functioning Anxiety as a Mom
You hold everything together.
the schedules
the needs
the emotional tone of the household.
You keep showing up. And everyone relies on your ability to make sure everything is taken care of. With this weight on our shoulders, many women live with anxiety that’s invisible to others but exhausting internally.
On the outside, you might be the one that looks like you have it all together.
But inside, it can feel like you’re always bracing for something.
A racing mind.
A tight chest.
A constant sense of “What if I can’t keep holding all of this?”
If this sounds familiar, you might be experiencing high-functioning anxiety.
What Is High-Functioning Anxiety?
High-functioning anxiety is where you look like you have it all together on the outside. You appear organized, responsible, and calm to everyone that looks at you. At the same time, you feel overwhelmed, tense, or overstimulated internally without showing it to the outside world.
For many moms, high-functioning anxiety develops from years of being the one who:
– Holds everything together
– Plans ahead
– Keeps the emotional tone steady
– Makes sure nothing falls apart
It’s not that you want to be in control — you just feel as though you don’t have an option except to be in control. This has led to your body learning that control is what keeps you and everyone else safe.
High-functioning anxiety is often driven by:
– High expectations of yourself
– Fear of letting someone down
– Responsibility fatigue
– Never feeling like there is time to rest
Your mind is always “on”. You almost always have a running to-do list going through your head with a tally of what you didn’t complete at the end of the day.
And yet — because you’re functioning — most people don’t notice the distress. This can make you feel even more alone in it.
Common Signs of High-Functioning Anxiety in Motherhood:
– Difficulty relaxing because your mind won’t slow down
– Irritability or snapping when you’re overstimulated
– Feeling responsible for everyone else’s emotional needs
– Overthinking decisions (even small ones)
– Trouble sleeping because your brain is still busy
– Feeling like you have to “hold it together” all the time
These are signs of a nervous system working overtime.
Why High-Functioning Anxiety Shows Up After Becoming a Parent
Motherhood is one of the most beautiful things we go through in our lives, but it also adds stress and anxiety. It often magnifies the emotional and mental load in our lives. Suddenly, there is more to remember, more to anticipate, more to protect.
Even if you love your family deeply, the pressure of being “on” all the time can become overwhelming — especially when rest, support, and emotional space are limited.
Somewhere along the way, our brain and nervous system believed that this is a life or death situation. We have put so much pressure on ourselves that our brain and body actually is fearful of what happens if we don’t hold it all together. Therefore, your anxiety is actually trying to protect your children, your relationships, and your sense of stability.
It makes sense.
And it is also exhausting.
5 Gentle Ways to Support Your Nervous System
You don’t have to change everything at once. Actually, please don’t do that, because this will only cause you to feel more overwhelmed and exhausted. Instead, you need to accept that healing begins in the smallest moments of care — the ones that are do-able, even on busy days.
Try practicing just one of these at a time:
1. The Long Exhale
Slowly breathe out longer than you breathe in.
This signals your nervous system that there is no emergency.
2. Reduce “All-or-Nothing” Thinking
Instead of believing,
“I have to get everything done,”
ask,
“What actually needs my attention in the next hour?”
Part of this process is beginning to discern between what is necessary and what is excess. As you can make this determination, it begins to soften pressure that you often place on yourself.
3. Walk Away
Look for 5 - 10 minutes of pause:
Allow yourself to walk away when you feel overwhelmed rather than putting all this pressure to figure it out “right now”.
Walk outside, feel the sun on your face, look at the birds and the trees, and take a couple deep breaths. After doing this, you can feel more grounded in determining the best path forward.
4. Speak to Yourself Gently
Instead of:
“I should be handling this better,”
Try:
“Of course I feel overwhelmed. I’m carrying a lot.”
Compassion quiets the internal alarm which in turn lowers your anxiety.
5. Let One Thing Be Easy
Choose one area of daily life where you intentionally lower expectations:
– Paper plates
– Simple meals
– A laundry basket that stays unfolded
– Screen time that gives you a minute to breathe
Easing pressure in one area matters more than “doing everything right.”
Why These Small Shifts Matter
High-functioning anxiety isn’t about willpower. It’s about a nervous system that has been on guard for too long. To effectively deal with high functioning anxiety, we have to begin the process of re-calibrating our nervous system.
Small, consistent signals of safety help your body learn that it doesn’t have to stay in alert mode all the time. As the signals of safety become more often, the less you are in a high anxiety state.
These practices are not about ignoring anxiety. Instead, they are about giving yourself room to breathe again. While at the same time, finding different ways to function in this constant, fast-paced world.
Online Counseling for High-Functioning Anxiety
Therapy can give you a place where you don’t have to be the strong one. Where nothing needs to be held together. Where your needs matter too.
In our work together, we make space for:
– Understanding the protective role anxiety has played
– Learning grounding skills that are practical and realistic
– Easing pressure and emotional overload
– Letting your nervous system rest
You deserve support.
You deserve steadiness.
You deserve to feel like yourself again.
If you’re in Louisiana or Texas, I offer online therapy that meets you where you are — in your real life, not an idealized one.
You don’t have to figure this out on your own.
📞 Ready to feel lighter? Schedule your free 15-minute consult below.
